Watching the sorry saga of the two brothers, Prince William and Harry fills me with sadness. Their sad split feels so personal. Only those who have shared a close bond with a sibling can understand the unbridled comfort of someone having your back since childhood and the devastating sorrow when this connection ruptures. Particularly, when the split is due to machinations of a third party, it leaves you feeling very betrayed.
A Tale of Two Princes
Prince William’s sorrow must be overwhelming. He was the perfect big brother to little Harry, more so, since the tragic death of their mother. The public forever perceived Prince William and Harry as Diana’s ‘boys’. Their being together for the rest of their lives was a foregone conclusion.
This was further confirmed after Prince William married Kate Middleton. Seamlessly, she became the elder sister Harry never had. They became a happy trio, basking and thriving in each others’ company. They even started Heads Together, a charity to tackle mental health issues.
Prince William, Kate, and Harry shared a common vision to erase the stigma of mental illness and ease the pain of those suffering from it. They were the living embodiment of good relationships being the key to good mental health.
Enter The Dysfunction
Sadly, all this changed when Prince Hary married Meghan Markle. How one person can destroy close family ties has become a very public script being played out. And it is not at all about racism, it is about the dysfunction from which this divisive person comes from. An inability to accept and tolerate not getting what they want – maybe more importance or money or sex or whatever their entitled self believes is their right.
Their rabid sense of entitlement corrodes even the most closely-knit relationships. I know it first hand.
Personal Story of Betrayal
My relationship with my older brother was somewhat similar to William and Harry’s. Around the same age difference of 2-year gap and us losing our mother when I was 11 and my brother was 13. My mother’s death was heartbreaking but my brother was there. Our closeness insulated us from the pain. Nonetheless, our common experiences were the binding factor that helped support each other through our loss and dealing with an abusive father.
Then this pedophile cousin began coming around. I have discussed him in my earlier posts. He got enraged that I would not let him sexually molest me. He began brainwashing my brother. He’d bring pornographic books and keep my brother away from me. Make him leave me alone while they went off. Slowly, my brother began changing. From the protective brother, he turned into an angry, resentful brother. Hated having me around.
I now realize that this porn addicted cousin was evil due to his conditions he was raised in. A single child raised by two dysfunctional parents. An alcoholic father who had died due to his addiction and cold-rejecting mother. I cannot forgive what he did but can understand to a certain extent only. After all one does have free will – the choice to act morally or immorally.
Childhood Deficits Shape Adult Life
Parental abandonment and rejection have devastating effects on a child’s personality development. According to psychologist Ronald Rohner’s Interpersonal Acceptance-Rejection Theory (IPARTheory) children’s perceived rejection, either from the mother or the father has a negative outcome for their psychological and social adjustment.
They will find ways to compensate for the lack of loving nurture and acceptance. Meghan Markle is a classic case of abandonment who compensated for this by courting fame and fortune ruthlessly.
Having your mother dump you on your father during your critical teenage years must have been devastating. This is quite a common phenomenon in the age of woman’s equality. No regard for the child’s feelings. I have seen this happen in my own family.
Without a doubt, 11-year-old Meghan must have been devastated. Her mother Doria abandoning her into her father Thomas’ custody. After all, she was a girl and needed her mom.
Meghan in her now-defunct blog, the Tig, praised her father and waxed eloquently about his contribution to her success. In her UN speech, she said: ‘The world needs more men like my Father’.
This is the same father who she now refuses to have any dealings with.
In contrast, my father threatened to throw us out of our home, not give us to eat, was violent. Frankly, I avoided going near him since my mother died. Unlike Meghan, I don’t have a single photo of my father and me together post my mother’s death. My feelings for him remain unchanged – he was a sorry excuse for a father.
I find it unthinkable that someone could overnight just cut out a loving and supportive parent.
Doria her mother is hardly mentioned during her growing up years. It was only after she teamed up with Prince Harry did her mother become a key player. It was maybe a calculative move, after all abandoning your black mother is simply not good PR, at least not in the current climate of diversity and black lives matter.
Though one will never know the real family story, Meghan’s history is filled with ghosting of family, friends, husband and other associates. Usefulness and status are the mantras she lives by. Invitation to her marriage to Prince Harry was for celebrities only, family not allowed.
Of course, mother Doria had to be present or else Meghan would have been branded a racist.
Narcissism Not Racism
Being abandoned and invalidated by your parents fills a child with feelings of shame and unworthiness.
Feeling like an outcast forces a child into a very defensive position – narcissism is the outcome. An insatiable need for status, admiration, and power. It is all about being on the top regardless of anyone else’s feelings. Narcissists are unable to stay in a relationship too long. due to their sense of grandiosity coupled with a lack of empathy.
All of Meghan’s relationships are about gain regardless of the human cost and suffering.
No Comebacks – Gone Forever
Once upon a time Prince William and Harry were as close as any two siblings can be. However, that close bond is gone forever. I don’t think William will ever be able to trust Harry, there is no reset button when it comes to betrayal in close relationships.
Yes, they may have dinner together or share an occasional social outing but it’s never going to be the same. Betrayal of a family member is like a sharp knife, it cuts in a place that changes you forever. There are no comebacks.
Life goes on, the pain of my brother’s rejection has been replaced by the love of my son. My heart no longer hurts.
Thankfully, Prince William has a supportive wife, and 3 lovely kids; he will get over Harry.
Speaking recently during his charity appearance, Prince William beautifully summed up his situation:
‘It’s sometimes trying to get people to understand that it’s OK to have these challenges. We just need to deal with them and we need to move forward rather than just be stuck in paralysis and pretend they don’t happen, which is no good.’
I only pray that Harry’s mental health can withstand whatever the future holds for him – good or bad because big brother William may no longer be willing to put his arm around his little brother’s shoulder in support. They are now separate entities and it was Harry who broke this once beautiful sibling bond.
Image Source: DailyMail
Diana’s Boys: William and Harry and the Mother They Loved – Christopher Anderson
William and Harry – Katie Nicholl
Siblings Without Rivalry: How to Help Your Children Live Together So You Can Live Too – Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish