Now that Bryan Kohberger has accepted the plea deal of guilty, the naysayers who were debating his innocence can finally accept the fact that he is responsible for the November 13, 2022 stabbing deaths of University of Idaho students Kaylee Goncalves, 21, Madison Mogen, 21, Xana Kernodle, 20, and Ethan Chapin, 20, at their off-campus house in Moscow.
What many found hard to fathom was ‘how could a lone person kill 4 people in 10 minutes, that too with only a knife. Further, all the evidence was circumstantial. The only DNA of Kohberger’s was touch DNA, which could be unsubstantiated.
Furthermore, there didn’t seem to be any link between the killer and the victims. Bryan’s role in the killings was highly disputable; a good defense lawyer could have swayed the jury to a favorable verdict. If O.J. Simpson could get away with murder, then anything is possible.
Nonetheless, Kohberger’s deal has somewhat quelled doubts about whether he was involved. We now know he did it, but why he did it is, sadly, not a requirement of his plea arrangement. This will always be disappointing for many, particularly the families of the victims.
Are People Born Evil?
However, as a society, the more pressing question on everyone’s minds should be How did he become this unfeeling, cruel monster. It’s the only way to stop further senseless acts of violence being perpetuated again and again. Why does only one child from a seemingly NORMAL family turn into a killer?
I don’t go with the theory that some people are just born evil. That’s just brushing aside the responsibility and role of parents, caregivers, family, school, and society in the development of a child into a mature, mentally stable, and morally responsible adult.
When it comes to such glaring aberrations in human nature, I’m always suspicious of the family dynamics of people capable of this kind of murder. More often than not, there is dysfunction, neglect, abuse, etc. It may not be apparent, but it is often covert and insidious. Only those who live within the home are aware but keep silent and live in denial of their skewed reality.
Nature Versus Nurture
To automatically assume Bryan’s family was healthy based on their public image is naïve at best. The history of these kinds of killers always points to an abnormal childhood, and I strongly suspect Bryan Kohberger’s childhood may not be an exception.
This is not about shaming or condemning the parents; it’s about self-reflection and understanding what can go wrong if we mess up the parenting job.
Sure, there is nature, but nurture plays a huge role in mitigating the effects of genetic and temperamental predispositions to violence and other mental health issues. Here, I will attempt to identify the potential causes of Bryan’s antisocial behavior. This is just my opinion and in no way intended to blame or diagnose anyone, as I’m not a qualified clinician or expert.
Bryan Kohberger’s Childhood
Bryan Kohberger was born on November 21, 1994. He is the youngest child and only son of Michael Kohberger Jr., 67, and Maryann Kohberger, 62. He has two older sisters, Amanda, born in 1988, and Melissa, born in 1991.
In 1995, when Bryan was less than a year old, his parents first filed for bankruptcy. Filing for bankruptcy comes only after months of prior economic hardship and struggle. It is in this high-stress environment that Bryan was born.
My guess is that he may not have been a welcome addition to the family. Who would want a child when one is financially struggling? However, his mother, being a staunch Catholic and anti-choice, abortion was never an option.
Neglected Child
Even though his parents may be good people, the stress of trying to keep afloat while caring for a newborn, along with two other children aged 6 and 3, must have been beyond their capabilities. What results is neglect, if not abuse. A parent may cater to a child’s physical needs, but completely ignore a child’s emotional landscape. They may resent the demands of a toddler who needs a parent’s constant care and attention.
Studies have shown that the first 3 years of a child’s life are the most important in terms of emotional and mental health development.
One can only imagine how difficult the home environment was for baby Bryan. I suspect his childhood may have been somewhat similar to a child growing up in an orphanage, fed and clothed, but with no attuned care and interaction.
Parenting Struggles
His parents were fighting, arguing, and irate due to their financial woes, while his sisters may have banded together, being girls, leaving Bryan alone. When you are left alone and not mirrored positively, how does one develop emotional intelligence, empathy, and positive feelings? To ward off the overwhelming sense of rejection, the child withdraws and becomes cold and detached.
This may have been the beginning of his so-called autistic traits, odd behavior, and social awkwardness. Many parents brush aside or shame the child for being a social klutz.
Parents think the cure for their child’s lack of confidence and social anxiety is to go out and interact with others. But how does a child who was not given this skillset in his developmental years develop healthy relationships? They will be socially incompetent. Which often leads to bullying.
It didn’t help that BK became overweight as a teen.
Second Bankruptcy Filing
In 2010, the Kohbergers made their second bankruptcy filing. They even lost their house. The environment Bryan lived in must have become even more stressful, which is possibly why he struggled with weight issues. Financial hardships and conflict in the home must have been overwhelming for a 15-year-old kid.
From the bits and pieces, I’ve gathered that it seems his mother was an intemperate spendthrift. Even after their first bankruptcy filings, there was no restraint on their spending habits. Bryan’s mother, in particular, had major credit card debts. They were living well beyond their means even AFTER the first bankruptcy filing.
His father, it seems, was a weak man who was under his wife’s thumb. Allegedly, she would denigrate him for not providing well enough for the family.
Catholic Family Denial
Conflicted, Bryan may have felt a deep resentment towards his mother’s constant belittling of his father while hating his father for failing to be more of a man. I suspect BK’s mom is dominating, which may have led to his misogyny towards women in general.
We don’t know how it may have been for a teen to see his mother making frivolous purchases while the family is struggling financially. We don’t know if his mother’s spending was an addiction or just trying to keep up with the Joneses.
As someone who grew up in a Catholic family, putting up a show is all that matters. All the sh#t is conveniently pushed under the rug.
Serial Killers and Their Mothers
Almost all serial killers had problematic relationships with their mothers that affected them deeply. Peeling back the layers, one discerns a complex relationship between Bryan and his parents, particularly his mother, a special education teacher.
A former classmate warmly remembers his mother, Maryann’s nurturing nature, calling her “the most warm-hearted, kind individual”. Yet, it seems this warmth seemingly failed to envelop her son, who was plagued with mental health issues since childhood. Somewhere, he had shared that he was depressed from the age of 5.
As someone who experienced a two-faced caregiver, the public, caring persona and private, cold, distant, rejecting crone, is very, very distressing as a child to deal with. This kind of inconsistency is a mindf#ck.
Bryan Kohberger -Struggling and Lonely
Sadly, the only place he could freely air his struggles was at Tapatalk – an online forum. On the forum, Bryan shared having a host of mental health issues, including depression, depersonalization, visual snow syndrome, and obsessive-compulsive disorder. Add to that obesity and bullying.
His teenage years must have been hell; it’s no wonder he spiralled into heroin addiction. That’s when he had a personality shift. He lost weight, became aggressive, and tried to act superior. According to his childhood friend, Casey Arntz. “He had to show that he was smarter and bigger than you, and try to put me down and make me feel insecure about myself.” I guess the bullied became the bully.
Bryan’s father, though more nurturing, couldn’t manage his son’s issues. When Bryan stole his sister’s phone, instead of dealing with it privately, he called the cops. I guess calling the cops on your child speaks of a lack of parental control over your child. It may have forever twisted Bryan’s view of his father, a weak man whom he couldn’t respect.
Support and Care – But Too Late
Despite all their struggles, his parents tried to help him, got him into rehab, and helped pay for university. His father even flew to Washington state to make a road trip back home to Pennsylvania with his son weeks after the violent murders. This one act seems quite telling. Why would a father fly to his son’s residence only to travel back home with his son? Did he sense something awful had happened?
They may have guessed something was off when Bryan called them on the morning of the murders. By now, his parents may have developed a radar about their son’s mental state just from the tone of his voice – it’s like a 6th sense most parents develop over the years.
The Major Trigger
We will never know the whole truth in the Idaho murder case. All the key players will keep silent out of fear of incriminating themselves. As for Bryan, we can only speculate what probably tripped him over the edge. It could have been the disciplinary action for misconduct with female students in his teaching assistant job at Washington State University.
That could have sparked off his repressed rage to boil over so much that he selected these seemingly random girls to unleash his pent-up fury.
Kohberger was ultimately fired from the position on December 19, 2022.
The Insidiousness of Family Dynamics
His family seems nice, and most of the people who know them have said that they are good people. Whatever that means. Those of us who have grown up in “a good Catholic family’ know exactly what that means – denial, gaslighting, deceit, passive aggressiveness, and sweeping everything under the rug until something like this blows up.
As Leo Tolstoy said, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.”
No one knows what happens behind closed doors – insidious family dynamics can transform a vulnerable child into a cold-blooded killer.
