Growing up Catholic, the concept of forgiveness was deeply ingrained in my psyche. According to the Bible, if someone slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also. And how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!
Innocence Destroyed By Forgiving
As an innocent girl, I tried to live up to the teachings of Jesus the Savior. And I went on turning my cheek, trying to be the nice sweet, polite girl my mother had brought me up to be. Striving to obey and respect all and sundry, particularly the elders in the family, even though they did not care, forget to care, they were outright abusive. I was abused physically, emotionally, and sexually.
And according to the Savior, I was not supposed to retaliate. So I just allowed my perpetrators to be released of any responsibility, accountability, repentance, and atonement. They were free of guilt or remorse as they did not grasp that had done wrong because I behaved nicely to them, pleased them, and did what they wanted. I was a People Pleaser, even when they trampled on my needs and feelings. I went on turning the other cheek.
Suppressed Pain & Anger
And so the hurt, pain anger, and rage had to be suppressed and stuffed. I pushed the wounds deep inside me, they were covered up, blocked in my emotional right brain. The emotional wound was covered with thick scar tissue that blocked my normal growth both emotionally and physically. Like when a tree has been cut and bruised and neglected, it grows into a shriveled, pathetic specimen.
In his book The Divided Mind, Dr. John E. Sarno reveals how the interaction between the generally reasonable, rational, ethical, moral conscious mind and the repressed feelings of emotional pain, hurt, sadness, and anger characteristic of the unconscious mind appears to be the basis for mind-body disorders. Gradually I realized that unless I changed my beliefs about the world, I was going to kill myself or die prematurely.
Misinterpreted Bible
I realized that either the people who wrote the Bible misinterpreted the words of Jesus. Or Jesus did not know the real world. That not resisting evil only makes evil grow, secondly, we are emotional beings, and being unjustly treated and abused makes us feel morally angry.
We are right to protect ourselves by telling the person off or physically stopping the abuse or just walking away. When I think of the years wasted thinking that being good and tolerating abuse would make me a saint and lead me to heaven.
Wrecking balls inside my brain
I will scream them loud tonight
Can you hear my voice this time?
Take back my life song
I truly sympathize with you. I had similar issues with bullies at school. It lasted for 5 years. I prayed that it stops, but for nothing. No answer or any sign from God. Today, when I finally decided to look into that saying, “turn the other cheek”, and came upon someone whom I asked about it and stating my thoughts about it, when he told me that it is “unchristian” of me, I realized that it is simply infatuated passion for… I don’t even know who or what, and how to even call it anymore. You’re NOT alone in your pain. I have always been of the opinion that only those who have experienced the same or similar can say so. Although it’s full of pain, this was a wonderful testimony to me. I hope you have found your peace now. If a desire for justice for the committed injustice is against Christianity, then them and their “Christianity” can go to HELL! Long live, soulmate.
Fillip that must have really hurt and pissed you off someone shaming you for your feelings. Never take on other people’s twisted ideas of how you must feel. It really messes your mind up. Yes, I have reached a place of relative peace since writing that article. This blog has been very therapeutic. So glad it is of some help to those struggling with their feelings, faith, and protecting themselves from evil. You take care.
I will, thank you. Every word you said is true. Indeed I was, and still am, pissed about the fact that I was the wronged party in my case, and I was being treated by those who were supposed to do something about it, the school staff, like I was the wrong-doer. Nobody should go thru anything like that or similar. For a long time I thought I was alone. No help, no support, even from my loved ones in family… But, I’m still here, and so are you. Hopefully our two examples will give hope to others in similar situations. Thank you for your reply as well. Good luck!