--- title: Forgiving & Turning the Other Cheek is Bad for Your Physical & Mental Health date: 2017-07-14T18:49:54Z modified: 2023-02-15T15:08:11Z permalink: "https://mindkindmom.com/forgiving-turning-the-other-cheek-is-bad-for-your-physical-mental-health/" type: post status: publish excerpt: "" wpid: 360 categories: - Personal Narratives tags: - Personal Narratives - Abuse - Child - Healing - Relationships featured_image: "https://i.imgur.com/JoyemsK.jpg" featured_image_alt: Forgiving & Turning the Other Cheek is Bad for Your Physical & Mental Health timestamp: 2023-02-15T15:08:11Z --- Growing up Catholic, the concept of forgiveness was deeply ingrained in my psyche. According to the Bible, [if someone slaps you on your right cheek, turn to him the other also.](http://biblehub.com/matthew/5-39.htm) And [how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!](http://biblehub.com/matthew/18-22.htm) ![Forgiving_Mental Health_Hurt_abuse](https://i.imgur.com/JoyemsK.jpg) **Forgiveness is not always healing**### Innocence Destroyed By Forgiving As an innocent girl, I tried to live up to the teachings of Jesus the Savior. And I went on turning my cheek, trying to be the nice sweet, polite girl my mother had brought me up to be. Striving to obey and respect all and sundry, particularly the elders in the family, even though they did not care, forget to care, they were outright abusive. I was abused physically, emotionally, and sexually. And according to the Savior, I was not supposed to retaliate. So I just allowed my perpetrators to be released of any responsibility, accountability, repentance, and atonement. They were free of guilt or remorse as they did not grasp that had done wrong because I behaved nicely to them, pleased them, and did what they wanted. I was a [**People Pleaser**](https://lonerwolf.com/people-pleasing/), even when they trampled on my needs and feelings. I went on turning the other cheek. ### Suppressed Pain & Anger And so the hurt, [pain](https://mindkindmom.com/wp-content/uploads/wp-mfa-exports/post/writing-away-your-emotional-pain.md) anger, and rage had to be suppressed and stuffed. I pushed the wounds deep inside me, they were covered up, blocked in my emotional right brain. The emotional wound was covered with thick scar tissue that blocked my normal growth both emotionally and physically. Like when a tree has been cut and bruised and neglected, it grows into a shriveled, pathetic specimen. In his book [_The Divided Mind_, Dr. John E. Sarno](http://amzn.to/2ur0irt) reveals how the interaction between the generally reasonable, rational, ethical, moral conscious mind and the repressed feelings of emotional pain, hurt, sadness, and anger characteristic of the unconscious mind appears to be the basis for mind-body disorders. Gradually I realized that unless I changed my[ beliefs](https://mindkindmom.com/wp-content/uploads/wp-mfa-exports/post/looking-glass-self-our-core-beliefs-affect-our-mindset.md) about the world, I was going to kill myself or die prematurely. ### Misinterpreted Bible I realized that either the people who wrote the Bible misinterpreted the words of Jesus. Or Jesus did not know the real world. That not resisting evil only makes evil grow, secondly, we are emotional beings, and being unjustly treated and abused makes us feel morally angry. We are right to protect ourselves by telling the person off or physically stopping the abuse or just walking away. When I think of the years wasted thinking that being good and tolerating abuse would make me a saint and lead me to heaven. **_And all those things I didn’t say_** **_Wrecking balls inside my brain_** **_I will scream them loud tonight_** **_Can you hear my voice this time?_** _**This is my fight song**_ _**Take back my life song**_ ### Forgiving Not The Way How naive I was to believe that by forgiving and not resisting evil, Jesus would come down from heaven to save me. Punish the wicked people in my life. And I waited in vain, gradually I came to the painful realization that unless I did something to help myself, either I would end up killing myself or die prematurely. It has been a painful realization that I wasted a major chunk of my life believing something which nearly destroyed me. I could no longer accept Jesus as the savior of this evil world. The least one can do in the face of evil is not to turn the other cheek but to turn on one’s heel and get out, which I finally did. It really saved my life. ##### Image Source: [Pixabay](https://pixabay.com/) ## Further Reading: [The Art Of Being Ruthless: How To Be Bold, Find Your Spine And Take Control Of Your Life](https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1540642453?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&psc=1&linkCode=ll1&tag=mindkind-20&linkId=b9d04011c07cb9a2f3876dc48241d552&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl) – Michael Sloan [The Betrayal Bond: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships](https://www.amazon.com/Betrayal-Bond-Breaking-Exploitive-Relationships/dp/0757318231?crid=I1EKEEOS570C&dchild=1&keywords=The+Betrayal+Bond&qid=1635492473&qsid=130-3643874-4090421&s=books&sprefix=the+betrayal+bond%2Cstripbooks-intl-ship%2C914&sr=1-1&sres=0757318231%2CB077V6VYHZ%2CB0872KWXSW%2CB08W25MLPD%2C0143127748%2C0964838346%2C1623158249%2CB087SGSR7R%2CB09JZK8GP9%2CB01MFGC6KI%2CB07W7P624F%2C1646112695%2CB079Y8PPKK%2CB084MG7M3K%2CB07XWSFY1L%2CB08P7P393S&srpt=ABIS_BOOK&linkCode=ll1&tag=mindkind-20&linkId=68723d1cacdb2d33e2e402ffb9922b97&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl) – Patrick Carnes [Growing Yourself Back Up](https://www.amazon.com/Growing-Yourself-Back-John-Lee/dp/0609806416?pd_rd_w=sGnwz&pf_rd_p=6caf1c3a-a843-4189-8efc-81b67e85dc96&pf_rd_r=Y6S2CNRY9H0SC6RTS25Z&pd_rd_r=4f0d0409-31df-45e7-ae1b-d42bb06d29de&pd_rd_wg=odxIa&pd_rd_i=0609806416&psc=1&linkCode=ll1&tag=mindkind-20&linkId=b56299dbaf1567df3bfa5aa6fb8e3087&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl) – John Lee [Take Your Power Back: Healing Lessons, Tips, and Tools for Abuse Survivors](https://www.amazon.com/Take-Your-Power-Back-Survivors/dp/1491778164?dchild=1&keywords=Take+Your+Power+Back%2C+author+Evelyn+M.+Ryan&qid=1635497629&qsid=130-3643874-4090421&sr=8-1&sres=B0793P43LP&srpt=ABIS_BOOK&linkCode=ll1&tag=mindkind-20&linkId=abf0e4d22718ab3a54f539b030b280d0&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl) – Evelyn M. Ryan [Surrounded by Idiots](https://www.amazon.com/Surrounded-Idiots-Behavior-Effectively-Communicate/dp/1250179939?pd_rd_w=TWjY5&pf_rd_p=3676f086-9496-4fd7-8490-77cf7f43f846&pf_rd_r=8B8XSAAZJ6DXGJC2MWCZ&pd_rd_r=21a32c49-3132-4fc7-b5ce-664d60796096&pd_rd_wg=5nQhk&pd_rd_i=1250179939&psc=1&linkCode=ll1&tag=mindkind-20&linkId=75a7ad90dd93782ead027bf552ac73f0&language=en_US&ref_=as_li_ss_tl) – Thomas Erikson