The mysterious deaths of Gene Hackman, and his wife, Betty Arakawa have elicited very judgmental responses about his 3 kids. How could they not bother to check on their frail 95-year-old dad?
It didn’t help matters that his two daughters were spotted nonchalantly chatting and smiling while getting breakfast at Denny’s just one day after their father’s dead body was discovered.
Commonly, people’s censure arises from the erroneous belief that all parents are amazing, wonderful, caring, and supportive people.
Not everyone is born with good parents some unlucky ones have hugely toxic parents where distance is the only solution
Growing Up In A Toxic Family
As someone who grew up with a very rageful, violent father I can only rue at people’s naivety.
The anger outbursts, the belittling, the control, and the refusal to accept fault all build up into the eventual rupturing of the parent-child relationship. The daily interactions between parent and child – from childhood to adulthood, nothing changes. You leave and stay away for your own sanity, hell with people’s condemnation.
Gene Hackman’s childhood was violent and chaotic. His father abandoned the family when he was quite young, without so much as a goodbye. This emotionally damaged him which led to certain lifelong problems, like his inability to control his anger, and could be quite opinionated and abrasive.
Nothing affects someone more than how their parents treated them. It is the number 1 factor in determining the quality of your relationships, particularly the one you have with your kids. If you aren’t aware of your history you are bound to repeat it.
Gene Hackman’s Personality
According to an interview with Dennis Hopper, the director of the movie, Hoosiers, Gene Hackman could be a rageful, infuriating boor. On the set of the movie, Gene insulted him saying
, “You’ve got no taste, your head’s completely up your ass, and you’re a phony.”
I can only imagine the pressure it must have been to be the child of a two-time Oscar-winning actor.
Constantly, falling short of their father’s lofty expectations.
Hackman had admitted to being estranged from his son, and by the looks of it, I don’t think their relationship truly recovered.
His daughters’ admittance of last being in touch months ago, only indicates there is no love lost between them.
Relationships Are Two-Way Street
Relationships are a two-way street, you love, and respect your child, and they return the favor.
Apparently, Hackman didn’t have a phone or email. All his communication went through his wife. If he didn’t have a phone, did he make an effort to call his children regularly?
Or did he expect his adult kids to go through his switchboard operator wife to get through to him? Nothing could be more irritating, than having to deal with your stepmother just to talk to your father.
And how was stepmom, Betty to her husband’s kids? Was she controlling and selective about who got access to her husband?
We need to understand, that just because Betty may have been a dutiful wife, however, her dedication may only be reserved for the actor, not for his children who also happened to be closer to her age. They were more like her siblings.
I wouldn’t be surprised if the kids got the cold shoulder from stepmom over the years so their contact with their dad dwindled over time.
Did her jealousy factor into not wanting to share Daddy with his biological kids?
It is not uncommon for insecure wives to isolate and distance their husbands from their kids and other family just so no one can be their husband’s priority.
The Reasons Why Gene Hackman’s Children Didn’t Keep In Touch
Families Are Complicated
Families are complicated, particularly when you factor in children who are from another marriage.
Let’s not just assume we know their relationship, maybe they didn’t talk regularly for a reason.
Well, the sad reality is that being a great actor doesn’t automatically translate into being a great father.
Only his kids know the real truth, and I feel they may not want to air out their tainted memories and experiences for the voyeuristic public.
Meanwhile, we can watch the 1970 Gene Hackman movie I Never Sang for My Father, which gives some insights into difficult father-child relationships.
Further Reading:
Hero: Becoming the Strong Father Your Children Need – Meg Meeker
