Healing means the pain of the past no longer defines or dictates us. We feel a lightness as our inner child is set free to finally grow up. We are no longer bound by our history, the people, the events or the expectations. We are in control and masters of our destiny.
You savor the sweet feeling of being free of the chains of your past. You know your inner child has finally grown up and integrated into your adult persona when:
1) You feel confident to stand up for yourself, erect boundaries, not take any shit and say ‘No.’
2) You no longer feel ashamed of what happened, the sexual abuse was not your fault. Your abusers were the evil ones.
3) You no longer feel guilty about your family or making wrong choices to escape from the abuse. That was the only way you could survive.
4) You are no longer afraid of what people think of you, their opinions don’t impact your mental state.
5) You no longer hate your abusive family and the fact they shunned you. That was the only way you could reach your destiny. The understand the line from Kung Fu Panda “One often meets his destiny on the road he takes to avoid it.”
6) You can look nostalgically into your past loss (for me it was my mother’s death) and not feel body wracking grief and mind-numbing sadness. The joyful moments are what defines you today and you cherish the memories.
7) You no longer cower, cringe and swallow your feelings or opinions so as not to upset people. Other people’s reactions just don’t matter. You will speak your truth and to hell with them.
8) You no longer are the ‘People Pleaser’, the codependent forever doing things or living your life in accordance with other people’s dictates or moral code. You stop being a puppet, pulled in all directions by people who selfishly use you. You become smart and demand your share. You expect equal serve and return.
9) You no longer feel helpless, waiting for someone to rescue you and change your life. You feel brave to set out on your own to get what you want.
10 ) You don’t owe anyone an explanation, you are responsible for your decisions and your life. You stop blaming your parents, family and the world.
Kintsugi: The Art of Embracing Damage
As we release our pain and let go of our attachment, that child who was afraid, needy and angry can finally feel the emotions of loss and violation. Releasing ‘what was’ and ‘what should have been’ and accepting that this is how it is going to be. The realization that, we are in control now and start to pick the pieces of our brokenness. We are adults, free to craft a life that is meaningful and wonderful. To make it beautiful like a work of kintsugi.
Loving the Magical Child Within
Reconciliation: Healing the Inner Child by Thich Nhat Hanh
Homecoming: Reclaiming and Healing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw