My grandmother was the unofficial village healer. People would come for relief from various ailments. One of her main stock in trade remedy was getting rid of the supposed evil eye which according to her was the cause of many illnesses. Ironically, it was her evil eyes amongst many others that were the contributing factor in my scoliosis.
Since ancient times people have believed in the evil eye. However, most people assume that the evil eye is something satanic or from the spirit world. Frankly, I have yet to encounter evil spirits but have met plenty of wicked humans. Furthermore, they were not some black, two-horned monsters – they were mostly family.
Psychiatrist, Scott Peck in his book, People of the Lie, does an excellent job of dissecting this topic. According to him, evil appears to be most ordinary but they are wolves in sheep clothing. He calls evil antilove. Evil people are obsessed with maintaining their self-image of perfection through deception. Evil and deceit go hand in hand.
What Exactly Is Evil Eye
Giving an evil eye is when a person transmutes hateful energy towards another individual via hateful thoughts. This includes negative thought forms like jealousy/envy, rage, contempt/derision, etc. However, it may or may not be done intentionally/consciously. Oft-times it is unintentional.
We are the product of our childhoods. One’s own abusive history predisposes one to hate and negativity. Those repressed childhood feelings of negativity and unmet wants come out in overt or covert ways. Unfortunately, the victims are usually someone close, children, spouse, sibling, friend, neighbor.
Power of The Evil Eye
Emotions are energy, they can be shut off for some time only. However, if one is not aware, our repressed feelings come out in volcanic eruptions or are released as a slow poison of passive aggressiveness. Nonetheless both types of abuse wrecks havoc on the mind and soul on the recipient. This is is a sad but true story of the generational curse.
Three factors make us more susceptible to the effects of evil eye: 1) the person is someone we emotionally attached to 2) when we are psychologically not feeling very strong/ are already going through emotional upheavals 3) If we are a highly sensitive empath.
Human Wi-Fi & Gaze Detection System
We are a network of brains that are constantly receiving signals from the environment. According to Prof Digby Tantam, there is a wi-fi connection between us humans. We connect to other brains unconsciously and read the transmitted information/energy mainly through our eyes.
Face-to-face visual input accompanied by sound, a gesture, smell of sweat, by or touch, and our amygdala or “threat-detector picks up the message.
This “gaze detection” system is a highly tuned system. It is adept at picking up a variety of non-verbal cues.
Eyes are the window to our soul, and our eyes usually reveal the real truth. It is very difficult to camouflage what is really going on within us. Humans, are “hard-wired to extract information, such as emotion or intentions from the eyes.
Subconsciously in a split second, we case our environment and decide on the best possible action for our survival. Fight or flight.
Escape Is Not A Choice
What does one do if the person threatening us is someone close? Whom we depend on? We freeze, fawn and pretend. And internalize the negative messages and armor our minds to our actual reality.
Even though these messages are non-verbal they can be devastating. I will not forget my grandmother’s angry look when I took the food she was hiding for her daughter. Or her cold hatred when her narcissist daughter accused me of trying to seduce her husband. My uncle’s contemptuous glare at me for expectantly watching him and his son drink mango juice is still etched in my mind.
Yes, I was was the recipient of much evil eye. The lustful cousin who sexually abused me. The conviving aunt who used me as an unpaid servant. Ah, there was my raging, manic father.
Gradually, we internalize these messages we begin believing we are an unworthy piece of shit. Inadvertently, this message gets lodged in our inside our brain and nervous systems. It impacts our emotions, our thinking, and our life.
Negative messages during childhood create embedded belief systems. That forms our inner and outer identity. Unwittingly, this becomes our default program. We believe what we experience. Our primary caregivers’ callousness becomes our mental image of ME.
Mentalization, Internalising Negative States & Scoliosis
British psychoanalyst Peter Fonagy’s theory of mentalization posits the importance of having a stable, caring person during our childhood. Having someone who mentalizes us positively is crucial for our stable emotional development.
A child needs to be understood and treated as a valuable human being. Only and only then will he be able to internalize and form a positive sense of self. We develop our sense of identity through our relationships with others.
Sadly, I did not have that kind of consistent positive mirror after my mother died. I was only 11, at the critical stage of my development.
I had a raving lunatic father to contend with. Along with being subjected to lustful stares of an uncle and the hate-filled looks of his wife and the cold-eyed look of the anger of my grandmother. This deadly combination of evil eyes that fucked me up. Barring my father’s physical violence, there was no physical abuse, the abuse was covert but deadly.
Scoliosis – My Protective Armor
As children, we have this chameleonic ability to model ourselves to fit in with the expectations of our environment. Being sexual and appealing was not just danger, it also meant the loss of love and support I desperately needed. Thus, hiding my body and feelings was the best option. I became compliant, asexual and invisible. Being a non-person was my protective armor.
Gradually, this protective armor we develop becomes our prison.
I got trapped in this negative twisted state because I did not have a single person to positively mentalize me. My mental image of ME was a shameful, dirty, ugly, not good enough. I twisted myself to save myself but got stuck in my protective cage.
Scoliosis became my identity. Hunch-back is who I saw in the mirror and that is what others saw. Moreover, that is who everyone related to was a bloody hunch-back.
I dreamt of my Prince Charming breaking this evil curse I was under. But alas, he was only interested in using me. As a result, I got further mired in my messed up belief of being unworthy.
Peter Fonagy: How Does One Develop Sense of Self?
We tolerate abuse as a child because we were dependent on our hostile caregivers. We need these people to survive.
Nonetheless, being abused by your family fills you with ineradicable feelings of defectiveness. It makes you ashamed of who you are. You feel ashamed and unworthy. Furthermore, you feel afraid to stand up for yourself. Thus, we continue in this mindset which makes us magnets for further abuse.
In their book, Lifetraps, psychologists, Jeffrey Young, and Janet Klosko, identified 11 lifetraps that keep us stuck in our past. They are: 1) Abandonment2) Mistrust and abuse 3) Vulnerability 4) Dependence 5) Emotional Deprivation 6) Social Exclusion7) Defectiveness 8) Failure 9) Subjugation 10) Unrelenting standards 11) Entitlement
Without a doubt, I have been trauma trapped, in fear, shame. defectiveness, not being good enough, ugly. It affected my confidence and my relatedness with the world.
Healing & Removing The Effect Of The Evil Eye
Processing and releasing the negativity that was part of my psyche feels like I am fighting some strong force. Remember, emotions are energy. Fighting and releasing those toxic belief systems is a battle between good and evil.
Letting go of those internalized messages of bad, not good enough, ugly is daily work. It does help to have a loving son who mentalizes me positively. I am grateful he sees me as his ‘sweet, kind, crazy, fun-loving, daring, adventurous, gutsy mom. Knowing that he loves me despite all my faults has been my healing magic potion.
More and more as I identify myself as a mother to an adult son, I can feel my spine straightening up. Mentalising a positive self has helped my scoliosis improve. How you perceive yourself is what you become. Your mind does control your body.
Seriously, healing scoliosis starts with your mind.
I believe that the evil eye is a real, we are affected by people’s emotions. Moreso, if they are someone close to us.
I also believe psychic/spiritual healing is real. A true healer mentalizes you positively. He/she sees you as this divine, worthy and valuable human being. Miraculously, you internalize their thoughts. That look of love is what really heals us.
Yes, eyes have magical powers, they can harm or heal.
Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice: A Revolutionary Program to Counter Negative Thoughts and Live Free from Imagined Limitations – Robert W. Firestone, Lisa Firestone, Joyce Catlett, Pat Love
Reinventing Your Life: The Breakthrough Program to End Negative Behavior and Feel Great Again – Jeffrey E. Young, Ph.D., and Janet S. Klosk